No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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