I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
