...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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