We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
