420 ftw
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
