i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
