If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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