mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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