I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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