remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
