On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
