I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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