Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
