im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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