You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
