How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
