Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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