I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
