I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
