i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
