can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
