I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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