the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
