awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
honey bunches of taint.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
