you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
