She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize