They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
