Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
