You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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