im drinking this country out of the recession.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
