So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
