it's great music for shaving your balls
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
