Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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