I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
