im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
