the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
vagina is talking i cant
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
