i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
