I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
