You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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