waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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