I cannot find my penis.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
