She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
