I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize