That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
