If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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