he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
