capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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