I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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