Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
