yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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