you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
