I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
