Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
