This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
