I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
