Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
