I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The adults are the big ones right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
