Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
