i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
