just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize