I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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