he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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