Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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